


Stupid

by MissE



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Challenge Response, M/M, The Fandom Zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 00:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissE/pseuds/MissE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander meets one of Angel's team, and says something stupid. He knew it was stupid, but that never stopped him before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Don’t own or claim rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel: the Series.
> 
>  **Notes:** Written for The Fandom Zoo LJ community. This is pre-slash/slash, but the PG-13 version. Nothing naughty seen or even referred to. The prompt was rare or crack pairings, and I’m not quite sure which this falls into (both) as I don’t think I’ve seen it before, and it’s definitely … different.

It was stupid. Even as his mouth opened he _knew_ it was stupid, and rude, and, and _speciesist_. 

“You’re green,” Xander observed. “Like, really _really_ green.”

The green demon ( _really_ green) rolled his eyes. (At least he hadn’t commented on the red eyes. Or offered some visine. Could always be worse!) He cocked his head and affected surprise as he checked his hands. “Would you look at that? I _am_ green!”

Xander blushed. “Yeah, but at least you’re not an idiot.”

Lorne waved the comment away. “At least you’re not pretending it’s make-up. Xander, right?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “Xander ‘Foot-in-Mouth’ Harris, at your service.”

“At my service, huh, cupcake?” Lorne leered. “That could be fun.”

Xander uttered a strangled sound as his eyes went wide. He would have corrected him, but Lorne was called away right then, so he was stuck with just watching the other man move around the crowded karaoke bar.

“Relax,” Angel murmured into Xander’s ear, “he’s harmless.”

Xander yelped and spun to face the vampire. “Bell! I’m getting you a bell!” He glanced back at Lorne. “And harmless? He’s bigger than I am!”

Angel smirked then shrugged. “He’s a pussycat.”

Xander snorted. Harmless pussycat. Yeah, right.

~~~~~

“So,” Xander began. He blinked. Decided to try again. “You like music.”

Lorne grinned. “Sweetie, I _love_ music. Music, musicals, musical toys…” He frowned slightly. “Muzak, not so much.”

Xander snorted. “ _No_ one likes Muzak. The inventor of Muzak had his ears surgically sealed so he didn’t have to hear any more of it.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Didn’t last long, though, ‘cause he was kidnapped and offered up in a demonic sacrifice. Last I heard, Sweet had his ears cleaned out, and had locked him into a room with non-stop Muzak.”

Lorne stared at the other man, jaw sagging in shock. “Really?” he whispered hoarsely.

Xander flashed a grin. “A guy can hope, can’t he?”

Lorne scoffed, and shoved at Xander. “That was not nice, getting a guy’s hopes up like that.” He pouted. “I think you owe me an apology.”

Xander pouted back at his friend, and fluttered his eyelashes. “I’m sowwy.” 

Lorne sniffed. “Put that lip away before I make use of it.”

Xander sidled closer, aware that he was flirting, but not quite sure how to stop himself. _If_ he should stop himself. “And what kind of use would you make of it?”

Lorne caught his breath.

~~~~~

“It’s your fault,” Cordelia sniffed, “and you know it.”

Angel glared at his … what was she? Secretary? No, and he would _never_ refer to her as such. She scared him. “How exactly did I start this? I recall a distinct lack of match-making on my part.”

“You disapproved of the friendship,” Cordelia shrugged. “Openly.”

“I didn’t disapprove,” Angel argued. 

Cordelia answered with a raised eyebrow. 

“I just thought… Well, you know Xander and demons… And Lorne could do _so_ much better,” Angel finished, glad to be able to make _some_ kind of point.

Cordelia crossed her arms. “You said – and I quote – ‘He’s a demon, Xander, and he can break you in two. Go home!’”

“But he is,” Angel protested, “and he could!” He narrowed his eyes. “And I really wish he would,” he muttered.

“And?” Cordelia prompted.

Angel frowned as he considered Xander’s previous lovers and crushes. “It’s not my fault he’d take that as a recommendation of a boyfriend. And since when is Xander gay, anyway?”

“Oh, please!” Cordelia scoffed. “He’s _always_ had an eye on the guys around him. Tell me you didn’t smell the pheromones whenever you two fought.”

Angel hunched his shoulders. No comment.


End file.
